And it’s a lot easier than you would have imagined.

Once upon a time, Buddha was traveling from one town to the next with his followers. They happened to pass a lake. The Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Please get me some water from the lake.

”The disciple walked down to the water, but when he reached it, he noticed an ox cart had just begun crossing the lake. As a result, the water turned brown and murky.

Seeing the water as unfit to drink, he returned to the Buddha, saying, “The water is muddy. I don’t think it’s drinkable.

”The Buddha said, “Then let us take a rest here.”

30 minutes later, the Buddha asked the disciple for water again. He went back to the lake and found the water was clear. The mud had settled down and the water on top looked clean and drinkable. He collected some in a pot and brought it to the Buddha.

When he gave the Buddha the water, the Buddha said, “See? You let the water be, and the mud settled down on its own.

You got clear water, and it didn’t require any effort.”

Life can be very stressful.

There is so much to do, problems to solve, actions to take.

And it never seems to end.

“The faster you go, the behinder you get,” the old saying goes.

But what are you supposed to do?

Sleep.

Yes. You heard me right.

Some times the best thing to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and anxious is to stop, rest, and recover.

Sleep isn’t just a timeout.

You’re not running away from everything that’s on your plate.

Instead, it’s an important requirement for the body’s self-regulation and recovery. All the more important when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Like the Buddha, he knew how to get muddy water to become clear, let it be. Allow it the natural process to settle to the bottom.

To that end, when you lay down to rest and sleep, it’s important to do just that, lay down and sleep.

Do your best to put your challenges aside, whether that means putting on some calming music or nature sounds, maybe doing some exercise that tires you out so you need a nap, or some guided meditation to calm your mind.

Whatever works for you to give yourself the time you need to let the mud settle and to be gentle with yourself so that you can come back refreshed, rejuvenated, and excited to tackle the day with enthusiasm.

Remember that bully that you really wanted to punch?

Only you couldn’t fight because s/he was bigger and stronger.

So, instead…

…You RAN, fast. You made the right call.

Your legs took you away from danger, as fast as possible. (Thank-God!)

Flight is another instinctive form of self-protection and a defensive response to a threat.

It happens when the perceived threat is so great that fighting would be a mistake, probably unsuccessful and failure would have significant negative consequences.

So you get the hell out of Dodge. Good job!

Your heart may be pounding, palms sweating and you’re out of breath.

So when the desire to run hits you, take a moment…

Right now.

(Even if you didn’t just outrun a tiger…chances are you need to pause and try this)

Look around, literally, find 5 objects in your environment that are pleasing to your eyes. Whether you are feeling threatened or not pause, take 10 seconds and look around right now.

Recognize you got away.

You are safe.

Either from a literal bully or another perceived or real threat, one that happened today, last week or 20 years ago.

It doesn’t matter.

Our nervous system can get stuck responding to threat from long ago as if it is happening right now.

And your brain is really bad at telling the difference between imagination and reality.

(That’s why your palms sweat and you jump during a scary movie.)

So, to calm yourself down and not feel the need to bolt out the door, do this one simple exercise.

Pause and look around right now.

Name 5-7 objects you see that you like.

Notice what happening internally. in your body, after finding them?

Now, what happens if you literally say (out loud), “I’m Alive“?

We have already taught you how to track sensations.

Follow the internal sensations inside after you repeat, “I’m Alive”.

Pay attention to your experience inside, does your belly relax?

What happens in your chest?

Do your shoulders drop?

Did you take a deeper breath?

How to Identify if You’re in a Flight Response

• Feeling like your legs are restless or fidgeting
• You scan for escape routes – need to sit by the door or facing the exit
• You don’t feel like your weight is planted on the ground
• Feeling panic, anxiety or terror

Do you remember the last time you got away or “escaped” a situation that was or seemed dangerous?

Clearly, you did or you wouldn’t be reading this now.

That realization gives you an often forgotten but hugely important reminder

You succeeded. You’re ALIVE!

Take that in.

Notice what happens internally.

Track your body’s internal sensations

And, as I’ve mentioned before…

JOURNAL

Write down your experience(s) with the above suggestions and exploration.

Look back on it in a week or two as you continue self-exploration and trying some of these exercises.

Download my free e-book and Destress In 7 Simple Steps. It is the foundation for beginning to have more resiliency and a healthy nervous system.

Thank you for taking the time and honoring your nervous system. You won’t be disappointed if you pause even for a couple seconds and apply some of the tools you learn here.

It’s been a pleasure serving your system in helping you heal.

Please share this fight, flight and freeze series of blogs and their exercises, with someone you know that may need them.

and…

THANK-YOU!

– Your Wellness Alchemist

Fighting is a normal defense response to a threat.

Usually, it is automatic and you are not thinking rationally but reacting instinctually to potential danger.

Behavior is either learned or instinctual.

And the fighting I’m talking about is instinctive.

Automatic…

…Not cognitive.

AND it’s good!

A must physiologically, for us to react from these primal places because these are life-saving biological responses.

However, they are meant to be time-limited.

The 3 instinctive survival responses to threat are: 

1. fight
2. flight
3.  freeze

They are all defensive (or self-protective). Today we’re talking specifically about the fight response.

Cognitive therapies are limited in how they can help modulate our primal instinctive behaviors because the language the reptilian brain speaks is not a cognitive one.

The degree of threat is usually matched with an appropriate response.

You spent the day hunting and someone tries to grab your only supply of food for the month – you lunge to punch them in the face. Rightfully so…

Problem solved. Yeah, No!

Please don’t do that…

…As much as you want to.

You’re probably fuming, your heart rate has increased and your body is releasing adrenaline and if you are angry long enough cortisol releases to get you ready to FIGHT. (it’s also a physiological response for alertness and one that you might experience at the gym pumping weights, not the state I’m referring to here).

Back to that food, you need to eat. You worked for that grub. So, blood is migrating to your muscles and your eyes narrow with a “look that could kill”.

The impulse to pummel his/her face gets stronger. You get up to take action when…

Suddenly something changes…

You stop dead in your tracks because a realization set in, the bully is bigger or stronger. You can’t protect yourself or your prized possession.

Unable to meet the situation with aggression it’s common to feel powerlessness.

You may freeze like a “deer in headlights”, or head for the hills, run leaving the problem behind you. No shame in flight, after all, this is about survival and you SUCCEEDED!

The truth is we can’t outrun our problems. 

We’re no longer cavemen. (ahem, women)

Unfortunately, because the protective response was thwarted you still have tension in your muscles that simply can’t “relax” no matter how many messages you get.

Reality check, you don’t have to hunt and you don’t need to preserve a months worth of food. 

Just for clarity…

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry.

Anger serves a purpose and it’s healthy to feel. (At the right time anger can be a life-saving).

We want to turn the impulse of punching into healthy aggression and a sense of vitality. It comes from having clear boundaries and containment. Also allowing the built-up tension to have the much-needed resolution for a healthy mind/body.

The fight response is meant to be time-limited to get us out of danger.

 If your nervous system is”stuck” in a fight response you might:

• Not feel Safe
• When you feel angry the emotion goes from 0-60. FAST
• Not be able to settle
• Have neck/shoulder tension, tight TMJ/Jaw or grind your teeth
• Anxious – Panic Attacks
• Have high cortisol levels
• Have high blood pressure

Do you internalize your anger (like most of us in the world)? Totally normal, most of us have been socialized to “be nice” or we inherently want to be liked so we stuff what is considered “bad manners” or feelings.

It’s learned behavior.

Good News…

.…it can be unlearned!

I’m not talking about being rude suddenly or punching people in the face!! Part of it is learning to have clear and solid boundaries….which we’ll get to. For now, let’s process some anger via the body brain’s brilliance.

Try this simple exercise to process anger – gently now:

Anger to Healthy Aggression Process – 7 Super Simple Steps:

1. Make fists with your hands.
2. Tighten them, really really really tight…
3. Now Tighter!!! TIGHTER
4. Gently release the grip
5. Uncurl your fingers ***SLOWLY***
6. Very very slowly open your hands up completely extending your fingers 
7. Relax your hands completely

What do you sense? In your body? Notice any sensations anywhere?

What is different? The same? Take a couple minutes to notice overall what happened inside.

Repeat once more.

For greater detail in self-tracking. Download my free e-book and follow the process outlined for greater self-awareness, a sense of safety and the ability to settle. It’s a start in working with your nervous system on your own.

Tip: To better track your experiences and recall or reflect:

Journal

(even in short bullet points) it’s helpful to recall certain things later or to see how things change over time. The exercises are all meant to be gentle and increase changes over time. They are not cathartic. If you use them they will create change over time!